Friday 17 April 2015

Fake Eggs of China



Remember them fake eggs from China? I do. The crisis was indirectly responsible for the blindness and cerebral seizure of many innocent Hongkongers. For a number of years, it even promised to bankrupt me. How could I forget? 

It must have been five to six years ago. I was lunching with a table of Hong Kong friends in the mainland. Someone brought up the subject of fake eggs when supposedly real ones, suspiciously scrambled beyond recognition, were being served. To my surprise, nearly everyone had something to add to the story. Fake eggs were evidently more common than I had thought. 
“Has anyone seen one?” I enquired, tortured by curiosity. 
“Oh yes, many have!” one said, sure as eggs were not eggs, though she had not seen one personally.
“My auntie has! There’re dozens on YouTube! Everyone trusts my auntie.”
“My second cousin’s wife’s father-in-law swallowed one, soft boiled, and died three months later.”
“Your second cousin’s father?” Dumbfounded, I closed my eyes and drew exfoliating breaths of filtered indoor air to safeguard my own version of reality. I had learnt that trick from a guru on YouTube, long before it existed.
Visions started coming to me, in rainbow coloured slides, like Powerpoint. 

中國的假蛋風雲



還記得大陸的假雞蛋嗎?我當年曾經目睹不少親友因為假蛋而失明或思想癱瘓。而自己也為了假雞蛋而飽受隨時破產的威脅,畢生難忘。

大概是五六年前的事了。當時和一班香港友人在深圳吃飯。正當服務員端上一道原貌全非,真假難辨的芙蓉蛋之際,有人提出了大陸遍地假蛋的問題。一時間,席上議論紛紛,似乎每個人對假蛋都有某程度的個人經歷。
我越聽越心寒,忍不住問道:有人見過假蛋嗎?
有!當然有!很多人都見過!
我四姑婆就見過!在 YouTube 上都是教人做假蛋的視頻!你沒看過?
我五表嫂的家公去年食了半生熟假蛋,三個月後死了!害人不淺哦!
你表哥的老爸吃了假蛋身亡?說罷,我感到一陣昏眩。身邊的人和桌上的芙蓉蛋都開始游移,變得虛幻。難道剛才吃了芙蓉假蛋?我連忙汽運丹田,舌頂上顎,閉目吐納,暫時顧不得社交儀容。