咕嚕的心魔

                                                                                                                               illustration claire tam : clairetam.com

十三年的牢獄生涯快將過去。雖則度日如年，回頭看也不過眨眼之間。

再過五個星期，咕嚕便可以恢復自由，重新做人。

他現在才發覺，做人難，重新做人更難。

太陽出來之後，心魔還有活下去的空間嗎？

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Read English Version: Gollum's Demon

 

啪啪啪！突然爆響的拍門聲，把咕嚕嚇得坐直起來。
「警察查房！」

他感覺胸口受壓，呼吸困難，身體冰冷，腦袋空白，像中了邪，也像被點了穴。覺得反胃，但不夠氣力嘔吐。

外面又敲了三下門，沒有喊話，節拍沒有剛才急促，力度也減了大半，明顯有些敷衍，正在拖延時間。門外的人低聲交談了幾句，接著是片刻靜默，只有鑰匙輕微碰撞的金屬聲。

身邊的她，痴痴地望著他。廉價時鐘酒店的窗門都用黑卡紙封了。一線微弱的陽光，從卡紙間的裂縫擠了進來，正好投射在她圓白的臉龐上。他剛才努力的汗水，在她的臉上反射著暗淡的晶瑩。兩片瘀紅厚唇，一斑斑的像隔夜豬肝。瘀唇間夾了一束粗糙油膩的長髮。望著她大得異常的微突眼睛，咕嚕突然覺得她很像日本電影中的魔童。

「陳先生，咩事呀？」 連她也感覺到氣氛不對勁。

她這一問，倒把他解了穴。他攤開雙手，竪起手指，像魔術師準備變戲法的手勢：「乖乖，唔好出聲。噓！乖！」他一邊說，一邊把濕膩的被單拉高，把她蓋上。

她很乖地讓他將自己蓋起來；她一向都很乖。

門被大力推開。霎時間地動山搖，卻沒有聲音，像默片里的爆炸。

一條光柱直插他雙眼。手電筒的光十分熾熱，整個頭被熱力逼得要爆裂。

「警察！」

被一喝之下，他遽然失禁，暖暖的尿液不住地流，好像有個無限大的尿囊。尿液的暖氣把他冰冷的身體解凍。他打了個大冷顫，然後微微低頭，崩堤般猛吐，都吐在自己身上，流到床上。濕透了的被單，令下面的細小人形更加突出。

她仍然乖乖地捲曲在他身旁，動也不動，也沒有作聲。。。

譚炳昌初稿刊於過渡 2015.11.28

 

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《咕嚕的心魔》
是《幽靈的獨白》故事集
其中一個短篇

 

 

2022年6月由山頂文化出版
在三聯，中華，商務，誠品和「一本」app 有售
http://www.mybookone.com.hk

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Read English Version: Gollum's Demon

鏈接到其他 過渡 短篇故事

Gollum's Demon

                                                                                                                         illustration claire tam : www.clairetam.com

Gollum will soon be discharged. 

Thirteen years had passed slowly. Some days had felt like eternity. 

Life is hard, but starting a new life is much harder.

The sun will be up soon. Will Demon survive?

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中文版：咕嚕的心魔

The pounding on the door sends him sitting bolt upright.

“Open! Police check!”

He can’t move or think. All his blood seems to have drained. He’s cold, so cold that he can’t shiver. His stomach is churning, but too weak to throw up.  

Three more knocks, ominously gentler.

An indistinct discussion outside, followed by the confused sound of keys clinking…

She stares up at him. 

Through a chink in the black paper taped over the windows of the hourly motel, a dim shaft of light lands on her waxy oval face. A thick strand of greasy hair, damp with his sweat, is caught between burgundy lips. Plump yet dry and faintly wrinkled, they look like pig livers after a long day at the butcher’s counter.

Her dark round eyes, vacuous and wide like a Japanese voodoo doll’s, reveal a dazed trepidation.

Mud si ah? Chan Sang? What’s the matter Mr. Chan? Her abstract voice unfreezes him. He raises his hands as if to show nothing’s hidden in his palms. 

Shhh. Guai guai. Be good. Be very quiet. Shhh. 

He pulls the clammy blanket over her. She doesn’t protest. She never does. 

The door swings wide open. 

“Police!” A bright light shines on his face. Searing heat penetrates his frozen head, setting off a deafening ring inside. 

Startled, he pees the bed. The urine keeps flowing, as if his bladder is infinite. The warmth feels comforting for an instant. The stomach lets go. He convulses violently, and vomits all over himself and the unmoving shape of her tiny body, curled up against him like a foetus.

__________

Her Majesty and Commies

鏈接到中文版：「英女皇與共產黨」

The irony of history often becomes sharper with time. Given enough of it, the intricate matrix of cause and effect often produces results which were previously unimaginable. The significance of any event does remain “too early to tell” for a very long period. 

In 1792, King George III (Why couldn’t they name them something other than Henry and George to avoid version numbers?) had recently lost the American colonies. It probably drove him nuts, and to pivot towards Africa and Asia. He sent Lord Macartney (who’s also George by the way) to open trade with China. “Get some kind of a free trade agreement, George,” said George. But Britain and China were going through drastically different phases in their life cycles. Britain was in the middle of a world shattering industrial revolution. After centuries of religious bondage, it had discovered a newfound sense of enlightenment, enjoying an unprecedented level of confidence and ambition. On the other hand, the ageing Emperor Qian Long was tired. Go tell your O King Georgie Number Three the Celestial Empire doesn’t need gadgets, he told George lethargically, then dozed off.

英女皇與共產黨

Link to English: "Her Majesty and Commies"

歷史有時像一酲酒，時間可以把它變醇變辣變香變酸。因果循環這東西，並非十年八載可以看得出來的。

話說1792年，英皇喬治三世（外國的皇室替孩子改名似乎不大創新，來來去去不是亨利便是喬治，結果要加版本號辨認）剛剛丟了北美州這大片殖民地，氣得發瘋，於是跟今天的美國一樣，把精力轉移亞非。他派高檔外交家馬戛爾尼伯爵（名字也是喬治！）訪華，要求中國開放市場，最好搞個自貿協議之類。但當時的天朝和大英帝國正處國運循環的對立方位，無法溝通。英國剛擺脫了千多年的宗教枷鎖，啓了蒙，正處工業革命高潮，意氣風發，活力無窮。乾隆則是個快要死的老皇帝，對馬戛爾尼的建議，根本聽不進去。只想要這老外扣扣頭過過癮，然後送點禮物打發回國算數。「喬治先生，回去告訴你的喬治三號，咱天朝啥都有，不需要你們的小玩意。」 皇上說罷，倒頭便睡。

Giving American Citizenship to 300M Chinese is Win-Win

中文鏈接：给三億中国人美籍是双赢政策

Xi and Obama should seriously discuss granting American citizenship to three hundred million Chinese. It would be a win-win-win solution to many problems.

The Chinese government, authoritarian and terrible according to Western corporate media and miscellaneous China-collapse Voodooists, has an approval rating approaching 80% from the Chinese people, according to reputable surveys such as PEW. Although an order of magnitude more popular than Democratic congresses hovering at single digit approval, it nonetheless means 300 million Chinese are unhappy with their government. That’s a big headache for the Communist Party (CCP). Furthermore, China being big, diverse, scattered and nervously on guard, CIA finds it difficult to fully develop this vast number of potential colour revolutionaries. A valuable human resource capable of causing great havoc is once again frustrated by CCP policies. It’s time that the international community, namely the USA, finds alternative means to get the most out of these disenfranchised Chinese.

給三億中國人美籍是三贏政策

English Link: Giving American Citizenship to 300M Chinese is Win-Win

習近平和奧巴馬應該在即將舉行的高峰會議中，研究把三億中國人轉移美國。這是個三贏方案。

根據國際民調機構（如 PEW）的報告，中國政府的民間支持率大概80%。如此高的民望，單數位的「民主國家」 望塵莫及。可惜中國太大。20%的人不滿，代表 3億之眾，不能說不是個大問題。而共產黨又處處刁難戒備，令中情局無法把這批不滿人士組織起來搞 「顏色革命」。看來美國是時候變通，好好利用這批被壓逼的中國人民。

What Academic Freedom?

鏈接：風馬牛不相及的學術自由

Hong Kong “politics” has decomposed into a tiny repertoire of elemental clichés. Nonetheless, they can cause disproportional disruptions when deployed vociferously by ardent sloganeers with singular determination. By far the most overworked slogan is — of course —  freedom and democracy. It’s become licence to do practically anything without consequence. Well, freedom is pointless if fettered by legal constraints, isn’t it? Other banners in the arsenal include, in order of perceived popularity, social justice; freedom of press/speech/expression, academic freedom, and a few other simplistic beauties.

Freedom and democracy, having worked overtime during Occupy Central, is taking a break. Academic freedom has taken centre stage, with the University of Hong Kong (HKU) as backdrop. 

風馬牛不相及的學術自由

Link to "What Academic Freedom?"

香港目前的政治環境簡單得出奇，幾句過期口號可以完全描述。排頭的口號當然是佔中期間每天加班的 「民主自由」 啦。這是免死金牌，跟著喊可以愛啥幹啥，毫無後顧之憂。想落也合理。依然有法有天的話，要自由來幹嘛呢？其他熱門口號，根據熟悉程度排位，大概包括：公義！新聞和言論自由！還有最近紅極一時， 由港大招聘副校長的茶杯颶風引發的 「學術自由」。

長臭瘋話短說，港大正在物色負責人事和財務的副校長。不過副校長的直接上司 「首席副校長」 的職位，也正懸空。有人說稍有份量的學者，都不會上當打這份工。看來這說法不無道理。信不信由你，交給校委會蓋圖章的副校長人選，只有一人：法律系院長陳文敏先生是也。陳先生的背景的確有些非一般。當今的學術界，連教補鍋的也有博士學位。巴士的車身廣告大家有目共睹：綽號化學天王，物理奇葩等中學補習老師，都是博士，比港大副校長要求的學術地位更高，有文革特徵吧！陳先生大概因為沒有進修博士，沒有什麼學術研究可做，比較清閒，於是利用多餘時間幫手創立了「公民黨」。公民黨骨幹都是律師，靠耍法律搵食，所以對法律有種專業性鄙視，完全不放眼內。此外，陳先生身為法律系院長期間，手下戴耀庭先生亂用研究經費，在灣仔佔中環。雖然戴先生有 「民主自由」 免死金牌，最後大概也是不了了之，但身為他事頭的陳先生，有承擔的話，也難辭其責。

香江山賊

香江山賊

話說伶仃洋外，有小島香江，遠看似仙山，近看像沙灘。島上住了六七百人，打魚摸蜆為生，也算安居樂業，戶戶炊煙。島民捕來海鮮，自吃不下，拿來炒炒賣賣與經過的夷船商販，日子逐漸富裕。唯富不過三代乃不易真理，靈驗如同魔咒，十中難一幸免。三代下來，不少香江伙子變得渾身妖氣，頭腦恍惚，口臭異常，卻自以為英明俊俏，頻頻照鏡，顧影自畫，並互傳贊美，得意非常。

伙子終日無事，只懂網上閒聊，結果搭上狀棍流氓，繼而勾結花旗役畜，經常借勢取鬧，撒野尋釁。家長嬌寵已慣，那敢責難？大人忙於炒賣，亦無暇理會，便任其生滅。日久，童黨膽子越粗，開始招搖撞騙，欺壓老叟婦孺，還胸纏黃巾，自稱 「天經地義童民黨」，約期舉事。首領自號 「瘋人將軍」，身長五尺多少許，眼神痴瘋，面额無肉，鼻孔朝天，耳後見腮，唇若蜆肉，黃里透黑。見者或不禁失笑，或咬牙切齒，或搖頭嘆息。但瘋人小子得花旗高人傳授，舞得一手「馬桶棍」，能於一尺之內翻雲覆雨，臭氣熏天，被藩王班主吹捧為當今江湖十大高手之一。島民忌之，便任由坐大。

The Caucasus (3) Faces of Armenia & Azerbaijan 高加索掠影（3）阿塞拜疆與亞美尼亞的面

A capella singer in a stone chamber at Garni, Armenia
在亚美尼亚古迹 Garni 石室清唱圣诗的歌手

鏈接到上一篇： 高加索掠影（2）－宗教

Link to last post: The Caucasus (2) — Religion

我將阿塞拜疆與亞美尼亞兩個世仇放在一起，是對他們的一種友好祝願。早在一戰前，這兩族人一有機會便你插我眼珠，我咬你耳朵。20世紀期間，奧斯曼帝國，大英帝國，和蘇聯都先後當過監護人，亦分別播下了新衝突的種子。

By mixing Armenian and Azerbaijani faces in this post, I’ve probably committed a capital offence in both countries. Animosity between the two neighbours goes way back to before WW1, for untraceable reasons which have long been distilled down to elemental hatred. For more than a century now, they’d kick and bite and scratch each other whenever a big guy isn’t around. The Ottoman, British, and Soviet empires had all played guardian here, and sowed new seeds for future conflict.

高加索掠影 The Caucasus (4) －格魯吉亞的面目 Faces of Georgia

Woman outside Church 教堂外的老婦

鏈接到上一篇 高加索掠影（3）－阿塞拜疆與亞美尼亞的面目

Link to previous post: The Caucasus (3) — Faces of Armenia and Azerbaijan

要瞭解格魯吉亞的處境，失業率是個好參數。蘇聯瓦解後，格魯吉亞獨立，失業率狂飆至85%，社會動蕩了二十多年。現在比較安定，失業率降了下來，仍然停留在65%的懸崖邊上。導遊指出，格魯吉亞人的傳統本領是務農和打仗。現在人口只有三百多萬，要把本事擴大，經濟多元化，談何容易？美國，北約和以色列於是把握機會，大發好心，在一個名為 「軍備培訓」 的資助計劃下，大力培養格魯吉亞人的戰爭天分。

格魯吉亞人給我的印象很淳樸倔強，老實勤勞。但很多人的眼神都帶著幾分無奈與憂戚。

Unemployment in Georgia is a good indicator of the disheartening situation. When first separated from the USSR in 1991, the newborn nation plunged promptly into chaos. Unemployment rocketed to 85%. Relative calmness has been restored, but unemployment still stands at an astounding 65%. Georgians, in the words of the tour guide, are traditionally farmers and warriors. With only 3.5 million of them, holding on to strong traditions, diversifying the economy is much easier dreamt than done. Israel, NATO and the USA are currently helping to develop one of two Georgian talents under an aid programme prosaically and ominously named Arm and Train.

Many Georgians look sad.

The Caucasus (1) — A Brief Intro 高加索掠影（1）－文明摇篮的面貌

Azerbaijan 阿塞拜疆

A few months ago, I was still misspelling Caucasus as “Caucuses”. Now that I’ve visited Azerbaijan, Armenia, and Georgia for 18 days, less travel time, I have learnt a few trivia about the Southern Caucasus, and formed some superficial impressions of my own.

老實說，幾個月前，我連高加索是哪個「索」字也搞不清。但花了18天時間參觀南高三國 －－ 阿塞拜疆，亞美尼亞，格魯吉亞 －－之後，除了知道了一點點他們的歷史文化和風土人情外，也對這歐亞要塞多了幾分模糊印象和片面看法。

Tsminda Sameba Church against Kazbegi 格魯吉亞著名的卡茲別吉風貌

The Caucasus (2) — Religion 高加索掠影（2）－宗教

Link to Previous Post: The Caucasus (1) — A Brief Intro

鏈接到上一篇：高加索掠影（1）－文明搖籃的面貌

We are supposed to be tolerant of religion no matter how absurd it is; but religions have not been very tolerant of others. Throughout the Caucasus, there’s nearly nothing left of its pre-Christian glories; they have been brutally destroyed or craftily painted over by organised religions long ago. All that’s left from five millennia of Caucasian civilisation are churches, cathedrals, monasteries, and memories of savage conflicts incited by gods. In less than three weeks, I saw a lifetime’s worth of crosses and churches and monasteries. I suspect there are more crucifixes and monasteries in Armenia and Georgia than in Heaven itself. 

無論多荒誕的宗教，現代文明人都不只要包容，還得尊重。這國際規矩是由宗教文化養大的人定的，不得破壞。但回顧歷史，宗教本身對異見通常不留情面，手起刀落。在有幾千年歷史的高加索，差不多所有古蹟都是四世紀歸奉了基督以後的遺物。在這之前的異教建設，祭祀聖殿之類，都被清洗乾淨，考古無從。幾千年老的文明搖籃，剩下的都是教堂和修道院。我看在亞美尼亞和格魯吉亞的十字架，可能比天堂的還要多。

Pilgrims at Geghard Cave Monastery, Armenia
亞美尼亞 Geghard 山洞修院的朝聖信徒

Movie Review: September 11, the New Pearl Harbour

「中文鏈接」

September 11, the New Pearl Harbor, a five-hour documentary by Massimo Mazzucco, surprises even a reasonably informed “Conspiracy Theorist” like myself. It's an eye-opening tour of the glaringly questionable tragedy. Mazzucco packs a prodigious amount of irrefutable information into three DVDs without sacrificing clarity, objectivity, or “entertainment values”. Issues are explained in lay terms before queries are raised. Prominent Debunkers — defenders of the official story — then answer or “debunk” these queries. The audience is left to make his own judgement.

We all like to bemoan mass ignorance, though wholesale stupidity isn’t necessarily bad from a selfish standpoint. It makes life easier in a hyper-competitive world.

There are exceptions though. Witnessing the mass gullibility surrounding 911 is unsettling and ominous, like being locked up with a roomful of blind and gung-ho idiots. 911 is a blatant atrocity of historic proportion and consequence, but ironically also the most clearly documented to those who care to look. Yet few would bother. Is it in fact collective connivance rather than mass ignorance of ming-boggling proportion then? Perhaps it’s simply too disturbing, even frightening, to look; so everyone turns his head the other way. Life goes on.

影評：911 － 重演珍珠港

[Link to English Review]

Massimo Mazzucco 的紀錄片 September 11, the New Pearl Harbor，收集了大量各方面的證據，足以錄滿三隻 DVD，連播五個小時而毫無冷場。片中把每一個技術論點都以淺易的方法清楚介紹後，才發出疑問。而每一個疑問之後，都播放了各 「官方代言人」 的駁斥，讓觀眾自己作出判斷。

雖然大家都喜歡埋冤 「大眾愚昧」， 但大眾的愚昧其實對個人來說並非壞事。能夠正確洞察到大眾愚昧，等於自己相對聰明，競爭能力相對提升，「搵食」也容易了。不勞而獲或者少勞多得的機會增加了，心底應該暗暗高興才是！不過凡事都有例外。大眾對十五年前 911事件的愚昧，再繼續下去的話，後果會越來越嚴重，不止搞出阿拉伯人命那麼簡單。