小說 “笙歌” 第六章 之（4）“狗友”

第六章之（四）「狗友」

宋煥想在九龍公園過夜。一群野狗，狗視眈眈，
評估著究竟應該誰吃誰？

鏈接到上一節：第六章之（三）－「渡伶仃」

宋煥步履蹣跚地沿著彌敦道向北前進。找來的手推車上，乘載著兩個濕了水的大背囊。
 

昔日香港最繁盛的購物大道，現在蕭條清冷。兩旁的名牌商鋪，當年的旺盛人氣，熱鬧虛榮，早已銷聲匿跡。宋煥走在路中央，減低被生鏽空調或鐵窗掉下打中的機會。
 

尖沙嘴曾經是遊客的購物地獄。原有的天然水源，早被鋼筋混凝土重重封殺。加上到處都是搖搖欲墜的光管招牌，所以區內遺民早已遷離。環顧四周不少末世遺跡東歪西斜地掛在橫街巷口：

瘋狂艷舞 － 飲品全免！
    信耶穌，第一好！
        四仔電影 － 真人彩排
學生妹導遊，滿意收錢
        「世界之光」潮人崇拜（電梯按 6字 B）
    風流怨婦，波大熱情 （電梯按 6字 E）
只有相信主，你和家人才可得救！
      
這裏除了是華洋雜匯的摩登市集，還是上帝和魔鬼的最後戰場。在人類完全斷氣前，正邪雙方有如二十世紀名片 “星球大戰” 中的死敵，互以霓虹燈管為武器，拼過你死我活，目的只為爭奪靈魂。
 

現在，連野鬼孤魂也找不到一隻。
 

間中有幾頭野狗，遠遠監視著宋煥。偶爾也會有一兩隻好奇的貓居高跟蹤。但只要他抬頭一望，便消失得無影無蹤。蒼涼的天空，依舊給兩邊高樓夾死，只剩一條狹縫。沒有了城市垃圾，鳥兒都搬到海濱和山上去了；偶然飛過也不作停留，因為這裏連老鼠也不多。宋煥原來估計隨著人類式微，鼠輩會趁機橫行。誰不知剛剛相反。城市老鼠幾千年來不自覺依賴著人類庇蔭而生存。它們躲在社會的黑暗角落過活，不愁吃，也不怕被大自然各式各樣喜歡吃老鼠的凶殘動物捕食。至於人打老鼠，一般聲音高於命中率，根本不構成具體威脅。家裏的肥貓懶狗也好不了多少。
沒有了人，老鼠不但三餐不保，還危機四伏。肥貓懶狗自從瘦了身，消了肚腩，脾氣也變得凶狠，失去了以前那種 “獵殺只為消遣” 的體育精神。抓老鼠變成生死攸關的大事。
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整個下午，宋煥都在找單車。不需要的時候，到處都見到棄置了的單車。現在有急需，卻走遍整區也見不到一輛。終於找到一家運動專門店，內有一列全新單車，還有氣泵之類的配件。但做夢也想不到，這店主最後一次關門的時候會那麼小心眼，把每一個窗每一扇門都鎖死。他肯定打算有一天會重出江湖，大展鴻圖。也許他寧死不屈，不想把真金白銀買回來的存貨，免費讓人拿走。反正此人心態有問題。
閘門雖然鏽斑滿布，卻怎樣也踢不開。哎，有宋笙在，不需半個小時，肯定把它弄掉。但宋笙不在。而他現時的心境，比昨天老了最少二十年，充滿挫敗感，缺乏信心和力量。。。
 

終於在附近找到一輛手推車。
 

花了半天時間，宋煥才不過離家三公里左右。但這三公里的路程遙遠得難以想像，沒有回頭的可能。這半天的時間，恍如隔世。
__________________

宋煥實在沒勁再走了。眼見黃昏已近， 便在附近的九龍公園休息。幾頭野狗離遠監視，似乎在評估它們跟宋煥究竟應該誰吃誰。它們一時間不知如何對付這個不慌不忙的不速之客。宋煥故意吹著口哨，把背囊裏的東西拿出來晾乾。狗哥們見到他鎮定，更不敢輕舉妄動。其中一頭低聲咆哮，裝凶作勢，意圖試探。見大家都沒有反應，便又靜了下來。
 

宋煥吃了條醃炸雞腿，把骨頭扔過去。見到自來骨，狗哥們不顧面子，爭了起來。“狗終歸是狗。來！” 宋煥向其中一頭招手。眾狗見他有所動作，便竪直雙耳，提高警惕，但絲毫沒有意思過來交朋友。它們看上去都很年輕，對人類沒有甚麼認識。
無人飼養後，大狗很快便三五成群結黨獵食。至於北京狗，奇瓦瓦之類的變態寵物，由於被嬌寵的日子太長，本能盡失，很快便餓死或被大狗吃掉。想當年，香港是小狗天堂。把狗當仔的人比認賊作父的要多。這些田鼠般大小的寶貝，逛街拉屎也由主人或傭人抱著，或用車推著，見到合胃口的燈柱才下來大小二便。便畢，主人還會用消毒紙巾擦屁股。它們冬天穿毛衣，下雨穿雨靴，和千般呵護的主人相依相偎，做狗的不似狗，做人的不像人。
 

宋煥並沒有估計錯誤。一般的狗碰見人仍然會敬而遠之，不會無故挑釁。見到尖聲亂吠的小寶貝則另當別論。宋煥親眼看見一頭奇瓦瓦遇上德國狼狗。奇瓦瓦看狼狗不順眼，便迎頭痛吠。大狗一聲不吭，等小寶貝吠到差不多衰歇的時候，才回頭一口。小寶貝沒有吭聲，也沒有掙扎；可能是見到自己流血，嚇昏了吧。大狗叼著血淋淋軟綿綿的小東西，望了宋煥一眼，好像禮貌上確定一下他不是主人，才施施然離去，找個清靜角落進食。

看見狗吃人屍，卻又是另外一種心情。宋笙差不多昏倒過去。
 

父子倆某天與尊信路經一棟低層大廈，嗅到一位鄰居的已故身軀，便跟著臭味找過去。他們一進大宅，便聽到狼吞虎嚥的聲音。宋笙掉頭便想溜，卻一手給老兵尊信抓住。尊信作了個手勢，叫他別走，然後輕輕腳往廚房拿了把菜刀，跟著用大毛巾把左臂厚厚地包護起來。宋氏父子立即有樣學樣。三人臂纏毛巾，手執尖刀，由尊信帶頭，背靠走廊，側身向後廳走去。
 

三條狼狗正在狼吞虎嚥，把一串串的人雜扯出嚼食。一早察覺有人入屋也不理會，只浮起眼角盯住這幾個不速之客。雖有戒心，卻無懼意。
 

屍臭給狗一搞，臭上加腥，分外嘔心。正當宋笙差不多要吐的時候，聽到尊信沈聲命令：“背貼牆，讓它們有空間逃。” 宋笙還來不及驚恐，尊信已經右手高舉菜刀，左手護身前，衝向狗群。幾隻狼狗立即口叼腸臟，黑血淋灕地從他們身旁走過，奪門而逃。
 

狼狗一走，大群蒼蠅立即擁回屍身，繼續進食。

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2011年4月 10日 於过渡网发表
2014年11月修訂

鏈接到上一節：第六章之（三）－「渡伶仃」

鏈接到下一節－「第一站」：宋煥千辛萬苦來到元朗，與他的平生死敵共處。

Why People Believe in 911

More than ten years after the 911 drama, when emotion should have long ebbed, and with so much video evidence to show the WTC collapsed without regard to fundamental science, the official story is still believed by many. Why? 

Here are my speculations:

1) A lack of courage (rather than judgement) to face the unthinkable monstrosity and corollary helplessness might have forced many to turn the other way. After all, dismissing the valid questions as a "conspiracy theory" is much less disturbing (and more energy efficient) to the mind than research and analysis.

2) Faith: Ah, that Enemy Number ONE against human reasoning again. Admitting the implausibility of 911 would naturally imply some degree of conspiracy involving the government. Some prefer to believe that the US government, so verbally dedicated to morality, couldn't have committed such an atrocity. So, evidence matters little; faith based beliefs are by definition impervious to objective reasons. 

3) General ignorance in its more innocent and blissful form. We have that in abundance, of course.

Some might ask: Where are the “insiders”? 

你认识这个籴字吗？ Do you know this word: 籴？

这是籴米的籴字，发音 di， 粤音与“笛”同。哦，一讲“笛米”，大家都听过，买米也。不过在我平常交往的文盲圈子里，大部分人已经不再认识这个在传统中国人生活中很重要的一个字。

小时候的香港人，都说籴米，随着“米铺” 式微，大家由籴米变了去超市“买米”，正在瘦身的人，还当米是毒药，谈米色变，籴字才逐渐从我们日常的语言中消失。一向以为“籴米”是市井俚语，原来十分文雅。负责漕运物流的官员，写奏章比皇帝，讲到积谷存米时，也用籴字。卖出的时候，是粜米。音tiao。粤音与“挑”同。粜字少用，因为大家都只有买米，很少卖也。

小时候跟妈妈籴米，米铺一桶桶等同小孩身高的香米，上插标签注明品种价钱。妈妈有时会挑两三品种，凭经验混合煮食。米铺会把客人指定的比例混好后，才用麻包袋由送货苦力托上肩头运送，到家之后，倒入米缸，香气扑鼻。那时候家家有米缸，除了养老鼠之外，还可以把青绿酸涩的芒果慢慢 “沤熟”。记得吗？

I bet they don’t teach you this word in Chinese classes: 籴 (di) means specifically “buy rice”, a very important word in traditional Chinese life. It was in common colloquial use in Hong Kong before rice shops were replaced by supermarkets, and people on a low carb diet regard most staples poisonous.

When I was a kid, we used to buy rice (籴米) from neighbourhood rice shops (米铺: mi pu) with big wooden barrels filled to the rim with various fragrant grains. Mum would grab a handful, sniff it, and let it sieve through her fingers. She might then order different types of rice blended for better texture and taste. A coolie would then deliver it in big jute bags, carried on shoulder. At home, the jute bag would be emptied into a rice bin (米缸: mi gang). Every Cantonese household had a rice bin. Besides smelling great, they were excellent incubators for unripe mangoes bought at a discount. 

I though 籴 was a market slang. In fact, it was also a formal word used by court officials in reporting the movement of rice to the emperor. The reverse flow - the selling of rice - is 粜 (tiao)米, a much less common term to the average person.

A big rice shop on the right (circa 1960's)

A modern day rice shop - shrunken and rare
(still surviving, I think)

Note: I didn't take these photos. Just grabbed them from an old photo junk mail for illustration.

Why they freed Ai Wei Wei 为何释放艾未未

I know why they freed Ai Wei Wei. 

Now, just my conspiracy theory: China knows that the International Human Rights Community has been kept unduly busy over Ai, and feels bad about it. It’s like wasting police resources over a petty thief while the big robber goes berserk bombing, torturing, murdering and looting unnoticed. Now that China has let Ai go, perhaps the force of  righteousness could be redirected at Guatanamo? Iraq? Afghanistan? Libya and . . . ? Sorry sorry, Libya doesn’t count. It’s a humanitarian mission aimed at protecting the Libyans; the Central Bank was just a sideline job, my apologies. But the rest is valid nonetheless, and a lot more is coming.

It’s a pity that Ai's going to miss his Nobel Prize though. For a while, I suspected that he was a Chinese trick to overwhelm the Nobel Prize with 60m mud squeezing artists and a few hundred thousand chanting monks, year after year after year. Evidently, I was being too cynical as usual . . .

我大概知道他们为何释放艾未未！

中国政府知道艾未未一事，令到国际人权分子忙不过来，所以没有时间监察美国在本土，“关塌哪妈”，伊拉克，阿富汗， 利比亚 。 。 。 等等等等 的人权状况。呃，等多一等，利比亚不算数。利比亚属于人道行为，因为 “噢斑马” 说过，去利比亚是为了拯救利国人民；第一时间搞了间 “美资利比亚中央银行” 只不过是附带任务，纯属巧合。反正我认为中国是觉得由于艾未未一个肥佬，搞到全世界团团转，有如浪费警力：试想，众家丁为了追个小扒手，任由汪洋大盗杀人放火抢劫兼强奸，无法无天，实在说不过去。所以良心发现，把老艾放了。

我本来希望中国会发动五六千万个会写新诗或捏泥公仔的同胞，和几十万不大会诵经的密宗和尚，把未来五十年的诺贝尔奖都由炎黄子孙承包下来，让挪威全国的空凳，通通派上用场。这个壮举，在当今国际形势之下，本来是大有成功希望的。无奈北京好像没有这份闲情和野心 。 。 。可惜，可惜。

Remember the Gulf of Tonkin? 有人记得东京湾吗？

Anyone remember the Gulf of Tonkin? Probably not. It worked. Therefore Vietnam. How many died? Anything done after the lie was declassified? Nope. Then 911. 

Hopefully, people won't just let this one go. The following links give us some hope. Some of the most conservative citizens of America are not letting this go. Conspiracy theorists? Uh, not your usual bunch anyway: Mostly engineers, military experts, many Republicans; British MP under Blair, and German MP who worked in the secret service; families of the 911 victims, etc.  Not a single conventional "radical" in case you wonder. 

When something so plainly impossible happens, yet so many are willing to believe the official story, or let it pass because they don't want to face the uncomfortable truth, atrocities much more terrible than Vietnam, Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya . . . WILL continue to happen. Why not? It works so well . . .

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8274552561914055825# http://www.patriotsquestion911.com/ http://rememberbuilding7.org/

记得东京湾的人，大概不多了吧。难怪他们故技重施，变本加厉。东京湾导致美国正式介入越战，结果死了多少人？后来骗局解了密，大家已经忘记，都不再计较和追究。算了吧：所以又有911？


幸好，以上的链接给我们留了一点儿希望。还有不少美国人，锲而不舍，事隔多年，仍然在寻求真相。纽约的市民，正自费大卖电视广告，让人们冷静地重新再看清楚当年的“恐怖袭击”。他们不是一般的所谓阴谋论分子，甚至不是平常热中政治的“活跃人士”。大部分都是一向保守低调的工程师，建筑师，也有高级军人，甚至英国和欧洲的部长级政治家。以他们的专业判断，911的官方故事，大有蹊跷。再说白一点：根本不可能！


911 是一件历史性大事故，是一件违反基本科学原理的大事故，充满了好莱坞电影手法。假如大部分人都愿意相信，或因为没有勇气面对真相而放弃追究，那么更离谱的事情，将会继续发生，制造更多的战祸和悲剧。伊拉克，阿富汗，利比亚 。 。 。只不过是开始而已。

Americans' Missing Trillions

I’ve never labelled anything a MUST READ; but I’m going to make an exception here. The following video (http://dailybail.com/home/there-are-no-words-to-describe-the-following-part-ii.html) is a MUST WATCH if you are puzzled by how they get away with the most rapacious scam in human history. The above hearing does not offer an answer to that. It does, however, reflect the extent of the helplessness of the American people. Unlike imperial subjects in the olden days, they’re supposed to wield control over their government. Evidently, that’s not the case.

Americans have no idea where their trillions (about $30,000 per US citizen, from babies to the near death) have vanished to since last September. Most are probably unaware that they have vanished. The Free Press has been keeping them occupied with war news, moral inadequacies of the rest of the world, terror-fantasies and sex scandals of conscientious young men and uncooperative old men (who allegedly forced their aging penises into resisting mouths full of sharp teeth). 

Kids of the poor are murdering and torturing in Iraq and Afghanistan, getting destroyed in return. Some ventured into Libya to clear the way for the establishment of a Central Bank (does it occur to anyone that it’s an odd priority?) Unbelievably, many actually believe they are in Libya to save lives, to punish yet another dictator! The pliability of human denial seems boundless, and scary. When people must believe - out of ignorance, fear, or a lack of choice - a well-constructed cover is superfluous. Logic and reason are an elitist game, appealing only to a minority. In a democracy, they are negligible. 

Observing contemporary mass denial in highly informed societies, one gets a chilling glimpse of how seemingly impossible atrocities happened in history, and will continue to happen in the future. 

Chinese：美国失踪的数万亿

Na Han - Roaring 2011

About 90 years ago, the Chinese revolutionary writer Lu Xun gave up medical study in Japan to write, hoping to wake a Chinese populace that he thought was “deeply asleep”, unaware of the looming dangers. At first he agonised: His countrymen were sound asleep in an air-tight hut without windows. The door was locked from the outside.  Why wake them? If they can’t get out, why not let them die peacefully? He finally decided to try waking them anyway, hence the title of his collection of short stories Na Han - To scream, holler, roar; to make noise anyway. Miraculously, the Chinese of his generation did wake up in time, and broke free. Naturally, after so much hard work, they promptly fell back into a slumber.

Almost a century has passed. Is Lu Xun’s “Na Han” dilemma still relevant?

Let’s take a look at the symptoms of people in a mental slumber. Firstly, sleeping people are unaware of what goes on around them. Secondly, dreamers transcend the boundary of what’s possible and what’s not. Fly, just fly. Thirdly, their eyes are closed.

Lu Xun’s compatriots who shoved for a better view of their fellow countrymen getting their heads chopped off by the Japanese satisfied all the above criteria. 

So, was the “dark old day” indeed so dark to those who could’t see? In feudal times, the average lowly peasants didn’t normally despise the aristocrats who squeezed them for every drop of blood. Quite the opposite. Look at them Lords: They blew noses with silk hankies, and spat into dainty golden spittoons. The peasants were shocked and awed. 

Occasionally, history bumped into the next turning point: People were starving. Their empty stomachs found things unbearable, so the guillotine got sharpened.

All that was history. Has the world changed, now that we’re in 2011?

Old empires have disappeared, or become invisible. Past colonists and bandits are now respectable statesmen, bankers, humanists representing “international values”, preaching democracy, human rights, globalisation, sustainable development. They maintain a firm grip on three areas: Finance, Military, and Propaganda (i.e. the Free Press), all equally important.

The masses (notwithstanding popular claims of individuality) in advanced countries are being manipulated and exploited with similar tactics - tactics that are being globalised. In the USA, the most patriotic in action, not just words, are the poor. The army is staffed with redneck kids. I think Michael Moore looked, and couldn’t find a single senator or congressman with a kid in the army, fighting “terrorism” in the Middle East. The modern peasant class, after risking their lives to secure oil for the country, come home to find gasoline unaffordable.

The ordinary Briton, in the midst of huge financial difficulties, facing painful cuts in social services, still find the wedding of a 21st century prince joyous rather than wasteful and ludicrous. 

Apparently, the world hasn’t changed much. Peasantry is a state of mind.

Similar to a farm girl who regarded conscription to the court, for the use and entertainment of the Emperor, as being an honour, exploited Global Villagers admire rather than resent the modern Lords. Poor countries are eager to emulate the mesmerising excesses of Noble Nations, be it in lifestyle or political ideology, even as the Imperial Lords are nearly bankrupt in moral and financial terms. The media is doing a good job in keeping the people blind and unthinking. So we see sensational People’s Power, and barefoot peasants discussing Free Trade. The devastating results are numerous and obvious, but only a few would notice. Nearly nobody cares. People are blind, sound asleep, dreaming, as before. 

Perhaps the peasant genes are still among us, keeping slavery alive from within? 

If Lu Xun were still alive, would he scream his wake-up call? Is it useful to wake people sleeping inside a nailed coffin. Oh well, Lu Xun was a Chinese communist; nobody would hear him in today’s world anyway.

Chinese Version: 呐喊2011                                    

Guo Du on May 1st Labour Day, 2011.

Chinese and English Worldview in their Languages? 中英语看世界观？

Do the linguistic preferences in English and Chinese reflect a difference in worldview?

Writing regularly in Chinese and English in the past two years has shown me a linguistic preference that illustrates how the people who use these languages see the world. In English, I find it necessary to minimise “uncertain” words such as “rather,  kind of, almost, perhaps”, lest I sound “hesitant, uncommitted, or beating around the bush” to Western readers. In Chinese, I need to do the opposite to avoid giving the impression of being “arrogant, one-sided, or simplistically black-and-white” to my Chinese readers. And I’m talking about describing the exact same thing. 

I wonder which is closer to real life? 

语言反映世界观？

过去两年，经常用中英语同时写作，发觉到语言上的习惯，某程度反映了不同文化的世界观。用英语写作的时候，我经常须要减少使用“不肯定”的字眼；例如：“大概，似乎，应该吧，可能，看情况吧” 之类。否则外国的读者可能会觉得我自己也不大肯定，缺乏信心，犹豫不决，甚至在转弯抹角。

当我用中文描述同一件事情的时候，刚好相反，要提醒自己把语气放柔，把尖锐的角度略略放宽。中国人看世界，或一抒己见的时候，一般喜欢留有余地；太过直捣黄龙，急不及待，老想一针见血，很多时会适得其反，给人家 “自大，一边倒，流于偏激，不黑便是白，头脑太简单，信不过” 的印象。

其实，那一种看法比较接近现实的人生呢？

书评：货币战争3 － 金融高边疆

This review of a Chinese book does not have an English version.


友人问我最近看了什么好书。我毫不犹豫的回答：“货币战争－3”。虽然一本书究竟好与不好，仁者见仁，智者见智，但我认为“货币战争－3” 是家里五个书架上其中最重要的一本。

货币这东西，纵使有人称之为万恶之首，但现代社会里，不论贫富，每天都会对它作出不同程度上的接触，使用和管理。日久习以为常，对它的本质为何，近况和价值有否改变，一般人都难免会变得麻木，不再予以思考。

宋鸿兵先生的第一本“货币战争”，令我大开眼界。美联储是美国国会没有权力核数的私人银行，是个简单而极其重要的事实，竟然鲜为人知。我开头也半信半疑，于是自己作出了多方面的质料搜集，才核实这个违反直觉的事实。不少我认识的美国人，因为懒得研究，而传媒都很自觉地回避这个犯禁的课题，到今天仍然认定这是个“阴谋论”；可见用金钱有效控制“自由传媒”，比用政治手段操控高明。也可以看得出美国的摩登“愚民政策”，比孔夫子厉害得多。“爱美人士们”，应该引以为荣。

不过以我的看法，美国其实是“国际银行家”的 “战败国和殖民地”，挺可怜的。这个领悟，亦把我一向 “发自心性灵感” 的投资取向有所改变，重新引导，得益不浅。

货币战争－2 开头的四章比较专注欧洲的货币历史和各大贪婪家族的兴衰，牵涉的人脉关系繁复。对欧洲近代史没有基本认识的读者，可能会觉得比较艰涩。从第五章开始，是越看越精彩。全书最后三章，尤其是有关“国际统一货币”一课，更是发人深省。

货币战争－3：金融高边疆，把中国和日本的近代金融史，以轻松讽刺的笔锋，深入浅出的分析得一清二楚。把清朝和国民政府差点儿令中国沦为另一个“金融殖民地”的惊险过程，交待得有条有理。连对历史不感兴趣，对金融货币的运作一头雾水的人，也可以看得津津有味。单从“写书”的角度去看，已经是个成就。［货3］最后的两课，也是最精彩的两课，把当今中国千年一遇的一些危险和机会，明亮的摊在眼前，令我拍案叫绝。

假如每个中国人，都花一点时间把 几本［货币战争］的质料和分析具体消化，会对我们认清形势，抓紧机遇，大有启发。就像宋先生在［货3］的结论所说，可以做到 “利国，利人，利己”，何乐而不为？宋鸿兵先生以普及手法，教育了今天的国民金融高边疆的重要性，实在功德无量。

Temple Street Cabaret 廟街歌廳

Temple Street is home to Hong Kong's famous night market. Comprising just a few city blocks, it's a time capsule, preserving a James Bond version of the Orient: Street-side Dai Pai Dong eateries, marjong gambling dens, vendors selling snake biles, hidden brothels, outdoor Cantonese operas, fortune tellers with card-picking birds, old folks hanging around the park, absorbing energy from the bustle, while waiting for it to disperse so they can sleep. 

On the side, nearly unnioticed, are a few cabarets. A few months ago, I ventured inside and used my dated phone to take a few snapshots of the honky-tonk kept languidly alive by ageing customers. When they weren’t singing, they played cards with the boss, sipped tea, drank beer, chatted, napped, or just sat and watched their favourite nightclub fading in front of their eyes. 

香港著名的廟街，是遊客必到之地。幾條街的夜市，晚上人頭湧湧，熙來攘往。無數街檔販賣著型型種種的廉價貨色。空氣中瀰漫著大排檔煲仔飯和小菜粉面的香氣。麻將館，買蛇膽的小販，暗打眼色的流鶯，大鑼大鼓的露天戲棚，能說流利三語，中西傳統兼顧的算命佬，和在小花園散步閒談的老人家，構成一幅五光十色的動畫，停留在六十年代好萊塢眼中的東方。

在夜市的一旁，有幾家閃亮著霓虹招牌的歌廳。對於廟街的歌廳，我足足好奇了幾十年，也找不到機會去見識見識。終於幾個月前去了，用電話偷拍了幾張照片。暗淡的燈光之下，都是老顧客：唱歌的唱歌，不唱歌的喝茶喝啤酒吃瓜子聊天。有人打盹睡覺，或跟老闆打紙牌。也有人獨坐一角，默默看著熟識的燈紅酒綠，隨著懷舊的歌聲在眼前消逝。

Guo Du 2.2011

小说 “笙歌” 第三章 之（五） “終極分子”

終極分子

既是終極之物，當然無所不在，無從著跡，若有若無，若隱若現於有無之間；也必然不存過去，沒有將來。

既是永恆的一剎那，亦是一剎那的永恆。 

「鏈接到上一節：牛津太極」

完成 碩士課程後，馬依力打算繼續進修，到位於法國和瑞士邊界，舉世聞名的“強子對撞機” LHC從事研究工作。不少頭腦精明的分子物理學家，都夢想以更大的能量把更小的分子迎頭相撞，徹底粉碎。碎得不能再碎的，大概便是天地萬物的基本元素：終極分子，暱稱“上帝分子”。馬依力的碩士論文很有分量，評價甚高。博士學位的研究基金亦已落實，看來前途無量。

一條25公里長的地下“對撞機”，算得上是人類創舉。 可惜這創舉太複雜，所以大部分時間都在維修。偶爾運作正常，大家便急忙安排對撞 —— 砰！這科研手段雖然野蠻，但也頗為刺激，足以引人入勝。有資格的科學家都希望來這兒碰運氣，說不定碰出一粒半粒像樣的東西出來，轉頭去挪威領個獎，名成利就。

某星期天的上午，馬依力在地窖埋頭計算一些只有行家才看得懂的能源賬，累了便躺下來休息。床邊陰冷的石牆，離開鼻尖只有幾公分。他的呼吸在牆上凝成了薄薄的一小塊濕氣。幾百年來，一代代消失了的人曾經把它建設，修補，粉飾，鞏固，防水。在未有電動工具的年代，興建這樣的一個簡單地窖肯定有其難度。

那一代代消失了的人，大概就埋葬在離他這裏不夠一百米的墳地吧。他們的離開地面的深度應該與他現在的位置差不多。對，在牆的另一邊，離他不遠，一條條骸骨被困在破爛的棺材裏，跟他一起躺著。說不定其中幾個當年也住過這地窖。曾幾何時，白骨上還付著血肉，後來都化了，慢慢透出棺木，滲入地下水層。地下水流向屋子這邊，繞過地窖，流入小河，再經大河流出大海。部分血水和爛肉的成分，沿途乘蒸氣冒上雲端，飄向遙遠陌生的地方。

一般人只看見眼前的牆，看不見牆後的滄桑，看不到自己其實與遠方的山川河流息息相連。

小馬想入了神，頭上一片迷糊，但同時有種前所未有的清晰，試圖在迷糊之中現身。他起床走出花園，在雨中靜坐。毛毛春雨把空氣中的花香洗擦一清，只剩濕潤的草青味。

小馬第一次深層入定。他不知道自己打坐了多久，當然也不知道瑪俐史葛一直在樓上觀察。入定，有人形容為 “鳥過萬里長空”。一隻孤鳥，獨自飛越萬里長空，會不會很孤寂落寞呢？但他覺得自己融入了充實的虛無，有種說不出的安詳和快樂。從這境界回來的時候，他踉蹌地走回房間，在書桌前坐下。一時的領悟，不立即處理，恐怕會像剛上釣的活魚，一下子便溜了：

“ 妄想把“終極分子”撞出來，跟弄把長尺去量度“無限遠”是同樣道理。宇宙無窮，25公里算是甚麼？就憑這“創舉”去尋找“終極”，猶如一群螞蟻抬著半米長的“超級”樹枝去測量萬里長城。

莊子說“天下莫大於秋豪之末”，是科學，現代科學！秋毫之末就有一兆一兆又一兆的 “終極分子”，又怎能靠瞎撞蠻分去發現呢？

既是終極之物，當然無所不在，無從著跡，若有若無，若隱若現於有無之間；也必然不存過去，沒有將來。既是永恆的一剎那，亦是一剎那的永恆。 

以有涯分無涯？殆矣！以有物摧無物，是瘋狂之舉，不自量力。夠啦！”

他在“夠啦”下面加了兩畫，以示決心，決定不再浪費有涯之生，去找那不生不滅，不增不減，不能再小的終極分子。

頭上的老橫梁發出陣陣靜電，輕撫著他的頭髮，好像對他的決定表示支持。 

__________________

第二天，小馬早餐後將決定告知史葛師傅。她一點也沒有表示驚奇：“依力，我對你的學術研究不認識，只知道你繼續進修一定前途無量。不過你現在的取向也不會錯，可能更妙。我老早看到你會有今天的轉變，只是來得比我預計早。” 小馬第一次留意到師傅最近好像老了，眼神有些倦意。她快九十了。想起將要離開師傅，他不禁黯然，但同時又為新的抉擇感到興奮。

他當天下午跟拿過諾貝爾獎的監管教授羅拔博士辭職。羅拔教授從前吸煙斗，後來怕生肺癌，戒了，但嘴邊仍然經常叼著個空煙斗。他跟誰說話時都會定眼望著遠處，思考著比對方重要得多的大問題。小馬早已習慣老師這副模樣，不以為意了。

小馬說明去意後，羅拔教授把沾滿口水的煙斗放回口袋，然後若有所悟地微微點頭。他超脫的眼神繞過了小馬的肩膀，落在身後凌亂的書架。過了好一陣子，教授才打斷自己的思路，自言自語地說：“嗯，沒錯，沒錯。”

小馬不肯定老師認為那一方面沒錯，但不打算多問。只是說了聲：“謝謝啦，羅拔教授。我會把打算發表的文章寫好才走的。不好意思哦。” 便起身告退。

他發了個電郵告訴父母他不打算繼續修念。爸爸的回復跟平常一樣“無釐頭”：

“收到！不讀算啦，在牛津拿了兩個學位，已經勝過我們所有朋友的孩子加在一起啦！媽說她反正會叫你馬博士。小心！哈哈！（哈哈之後加了個會眨眼的表情符號）我們週末在大陸打球。你的電話老打不通！是不是忘記了交費呀？姑姐說你的決定有道理，你是姑姐的天才嘛！（又一個黃色的表情符號在傻笑）不過年青人衝動，這點我也同意。兩點我都同意！聽爸爸說：放棄容易放下難，有哲理吧！好啦，別忘記想想 “三思” 的好處！

爸媽。

又：剛匯了錢到你的戶口，查查看。”

小馬心想：為甚麼上一代的人，除了師傅之外，都有些語無倫次？後來他自己在大公司和政府工作，才領略到若隱若現的妙處和語無倫次的戰略作用。當時來說，爸爸的電郵雖然不知所謂，匯錢的行動卻是爽快的，值得嘉許。

一切順利，沒有人阻撓他的退出。六個月後，馬依力到新加坡加盟一家醫療設備生產商做“開發研究員”。他暫時不想回香港。

__________________________

2011年2月 12 日 於过渡网发表
2017年11月修订

鏈接到下一篇 “笙歌” 第叁章 之（六）「剖白」：宋笙對馬師傅剖白：原來他在山頂小徑處置那垂死的陌生人的時候， 心裏還有難以出口的自私打算。。。

Shadow of sunshine 青出于蓝

I took this picture a while ago. I woke up one morning and discovered that the shadow can be brighter than the object, and more cheerful. All it needs is a little encouragement from the sun. Thought I'd share that little bit of sunshine with you.

这是我几个月前拍的照片。有一天早上起来，偶然发觉影子可以比原物更灿烂，更有姿采，只虽一点点的阳光鼓励鼓励，和你分享。

Man’s Last Song Chapter 3-1: Qigong Rhapsody

QIGONG  RHAPSODY

Qi rumbles through Ma Yili, flushing his meridian channels, warming the Dan Tian – an abdominal pocket behind the navel where his bladder and intestines are.

Most people do not normally feel the presence of internal organs unless something has gone badly wrong. To Ma, that's just another thing wrong with the normal person. He neglects the body for so long, taking it for granted, until the only connection left is the emergency alarm; he only feels the stomach when it aches, rather than sharing with it the pleasure of digesting something delicious and healthful.

He can actively direct Qi with his breathing, which is one of a few ambiguous meanings of the word Qi. What else could it be? Flux of neutrinos? Expression of other alpha beta gamma bits? he used to wonder. Gradually, he gave up intellectualising it with the same cleverness he once employed to study equally quirky entities sanctioned by modern physics.

"To understand these things, you can't think forcefully," his mentor Mary Scott once said.

In the end, be it Qi or some ephemeral subatomic phantom, it's all in the mind isn't it? A steel door is practically empty in atomic terms. Just a bunch of electrons buzzing between a matrix of nuclei. In spatial proportion, merely a few specks of dust zipping between raison-size clusters stuck at the corners of a grand ballroom. Should the electrons freeze – if the metaphoric dust should settle – everything would vanish.

Weird? That's science... or Qi...

There's nothing. A door is substantially not there according to science, so is the physicist, Ma reckons with due humility. Not there. Nothing. Zilch. Buddha was right wasn't he? But even the brightest or dumbest scientists don't attempt walking through doors. Neither did Buddha.

Understanding is one thing, believing is another, perception is yet something else. In the twilight zone of existence, reality slips, slides and teases. The great 20th century physicist Niels Bohr said "reality" does not exist independent of observation. His contemporary, Heisenberg, told us that the reality that can be put into words is never reality itself. Were they Daoists?

Perhaps Qigong reshapes reality with wayward bonds and psychedelic charges, as hallucinating drugs do? After practising for decades, Ma still has no idea. It took him years to clear the meridian channels, to make room for the free flow of Qi. Now that he has attained this wondrous sense of void, he can let in... in... and in. Something fundamental and omnipresent, older than the universe itself, seeps into him, waking his spine, electrifying his being. Or is it the other way round? Is he dissolving into the infinite background, like a fizzy tablet in water instead?  

Yes, all in the mind.

The cosmos, so very big, is no bigger than a teeny-weeny singularity. Perhaps singularity could be reconstructed in the mind, tugged behind the bellybutton. Ridiculous; but why not? If something so incomprehensibly tiny could give birth to the universe... maybe the fathomless complexity of a physicist's macrocosm could also be condensed into elemental purity, back to nothing. "In a flat universe, all the energy adds up to zero." He learned that in Physics.

It started with nothing, and will end in nothing.

"I'm nothing," he lets the thought echo. "There's nothing out there."

What can be more peaceful than me, being nothing, worrying about nothing?

How long has it been? Minutes? Hours? Aeons?

Time bypasses Ma when he meditates. But somehow, part of him knows. Dozing bus passengers always wake before their stops.

Qi radiates out of his Dan Tian, caressing ageing vessels, massaging aching muscles, fortifying stiffened joints.

*    *    *

Ma once speculated Qi to be the ultimate element he hoped to isolate in a giant accelerator. Ultimate – what an extreme state; a serious word used too lightly. The ultimate element must be absolutely basic. What can one say about something so elemental, other than it's the very first step from there isn't to there is? The fundamental essence of all things must be that simple; indivisible. It has to be omnipresent purity without mass, charge, spin, dimension, smell, flavour, beginning, or end...

It just is.

Shouldn't have a name. The Dao that can be described cannot be real... Laozi said that. Heisenberg said that. Anything with a describable feature can't be truly and ultimately fundamental can it? It's indescribable, unnameable. We exist because of a transient disruption of the primary state of affairs.

The resultant existential stir, Ma thought, perhaps still thinks, could be Qi. The universe, the one that we see, the big wide expanding thing out there, is the result of a disturbance, a cosmic bruise. Call it the Big Bang, whatever. It's nothing more than a temporary divergence, unmitigated stress, of the fundamental state. Like a bruise, it will disperse and heal in the fullest of time – when it all ends.

We won't be there. Nothing we own will be there. Nothing we've ever fought for or believed in would survive the healing, when the cosmic bruise settles back into neutrality.

Meanwhile, everything that exists does so at an elevated stress level. To be is waiting to heal, to return to ultimate basics, to be again not to be.

That's why things are unstable. They are unstable the moment they came into being – the moment they began coming into being. Status quo at any instant is not sustainable.

To Ma the Daoist and physicist, Qigong Master and irreligious spiritualist, the concept became self-evident after years of contemplation. Then it became far-fetched and confusing, impossible to fathom, simply weird. Then it cleared up again.

Then it went away completely, and stopped to matter.

If it is, it doesn't matter.

If it isn't, it doesn't matter.

____________________________

First Posted 19 Jan 2011 on Guo Du Blog

Read Chapter ONE and Free PDF Download